The maid of honor just puked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
