Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
