quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
