My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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