hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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