Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
