What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
