Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
