When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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