So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
