Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
