Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
