i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
