i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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