So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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