So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
