What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
