So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
