a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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