and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
