I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
