Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
