Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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