I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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