One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
