Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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