I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
