I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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