Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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