you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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