and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
