I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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