Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
