I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
