I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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