the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
