i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
even my farts smell like vagina
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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