I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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