I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
