am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
