when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
