No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
