I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
