I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
