...so i touched it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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