Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dicks are not precious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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