Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
