We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
