i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
