I will die if light touches me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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